What Not to Say and What to Say to Someone Who is Mourning
Posted by teanpow | Filed under What Articles
We need each other, especially in times of despair. And it is important never to forget that human interaction is the very essence of living a happy life. The positive outcome of this interaction is always in a respectful and supportive communication, the right things based on time.
Some people seem to be especially blessed with the ability to be able to get in touch. Others have a habit of saying that the wrong things at the wrong time. The results in the form of sadness is thatthe mourners do is often more painful, and tends to be drawn from certain people at a time if need social support is a key.
Here are a series of comments that were made that should have been kept under wraps. Then we shall look at some of the more helpful answers.
1. "You'll find someone else (or another good friend)" or "It can not be so bad." These comments are often young widows or widowers or young people who have lost a friend. Sometimes it is preceded bywith: "You are still young …." They hurt deeply.
2. "At least the other kids have." The assumption that there are a comfort to other children in mind that this child is gone and was very loved.
3. "You'll be okay" or "I understand what you are through." Any person who is mourning
is one-of-a-kind, because every relationship is unique with a loved one. Nobody understands.
4. "He is in a better place" or "It'sGod's will. "We do not understand the deep conviction that a certain person may have. The deceased is not here is the point, and what kind of God would be such a thing is, the thoughts of many mourners.
5. "They'll get over it" or "That was a long time, do not you think you should be on it?" No one will about them, integrate them and to live with her in their daily lives.
6. "Time heals all wounds" or "Just put it out of my head." As a friend who lost17-year-old son said: "Time does not heal all wounds, if you work between the minutes." For caregivers, it means so that the mourners, many repetitions and retelling of the story. And no one forgets.
7. "It would have been worse, do so not so bad" or "not talk about it." To say, minimizing pain and a disguised way to get over it. It is important that the
Mourners are encouraged to talk about and express feelings.
8. "The more than a yearnow. Do you think you should Let This Go? "Or" You can not bring him back. "There are no time limits for pain and it is very normal for it again. It might periodically for the rest of life to consider. Banal is demeaning to those who mourn.
All of the above observations have two things in common. The first is a lack of awareness of what, under normal grieving process. The second is to use these remarks have difficulty at around someone in pain. Grief is afeel lonely from the start, no matter how many people are around you and do all these comments, is the isolation step for the mourners.
Here are some alternative ideas with a need to meet can be seen.
1. "I wish there was something I could say to alleviate the pain."
2. "I'm sorry." (Some people do not like it after hearing so many times.)
3. "Do you feel like talking now, or perhaps at another time?"
4. "It's okay to cry whenYou feel like it. Please keep it back. "
5. "How is your day going?"
6. "What a day you are familiar with?" (If the mourners are the usual answer
be okay to make eye contact and say, "How is it going really?") You
surprised at the response you get.
7. "Should I stay or would you prefer to have time by yourself?"
8. Sometimes, a hug, nothing can be said all that is necessary, in particular,Time.
Remember, more than 90% of a message being transferred is nonverbal. That is, your facial expression, eye contact and body movements provide the bulk of the message. Its intention to give comfort, not to fix what you can not fix that will come through your nonverbal communication. Always address the mourner with respect, and the belief that the person responsible for his grief, and will teach you how he / she feels. Be a student.
